One of my favorite movies was on last night: The Wedding Date. It’s a cheesy girly film, but there is one part that, even after watching it dozens of times, serves as a reminder of perspective.
When the groom finds out his soon-to-be-wife used to sleep with his best friend—who is also the best man—he, needless to say, loses his temper. But when he’s in the car driving back to the wedding location—after chasing the best man ‘halfway to France’—he says, “I’ve had her up on a pedestal ever since… since the day I put her up there.”
I sometimes think about times I’ve felt disappointed in other’s actions. You dwell on the situation; you feel let down, like they failed you. Worst of all you feel betrayed because they are not living up to the standard you set for them…
the standard you set…
I can pinpoint situations and relationships in my life where I have felt this way—and mentally accused the other party(ies) of lying and not caring. Yet, watching that movie last night, hearing that quote for the umpteenth time, quickly reminded me, that sometimes it’s all in your head. Sometimes it’s your thought process that needs to change.
If we don’t know how another feels, or they don’t provide a clear, understandable answer for their actions, we are left to fill in the blanks with our own thoughts and assumptions. Sometimes we are lucky enough to understand that person’s thought process, and we can fill in the holes accurately, but most of the time, the answers come from our own schema.
With that said, there’s no wonder we feel disappointed.
I guess there is a reason they say not to assume. (How does the saying go? “Don’t assume; it makes an ‘ass’ out of ‘u’ and ‘me?’”)
If you haven’t seen The Wedding Date it is a very heartfelt happy movie, with lots of laughs from Debra Messing—and eye candy, thanks to Dermot Mulroney. But it’s this little reminder that gets me every time.
Next time I’m not sure, I think I’ll just ask!