I stumbled across a blog the other day that got me thinking: Off the Market and In The Moment. Its 25-year-old author took herself off the dating market for one whole year in order to live in the moment. Her reasons, and I quote, “1 – to break the detrimental relationship habit of trying too hard and subsequently losing myself, and 2-to take a step back so as to keep from looking back. Because when I started thinking about how much time I invest while dating someone, and then analyzing and re-analyzing (and re-analyzing) after the door to our future shuts, and THEN wondering when Cupid would look kindly on me again, I finally realized that I was missing my own moment…” “… I am a 25-year-old single living in one of the greatest cities in the world!”
When I first read this I noted “25 years old.” My internal cynical bitch thought “Umm, what do you expect to have found by 25, eh?” and “What else is there to do at that age other than live in the moment?” Then, my opposing Piscean fish spoke up reminding me to look at the situation from a less critical perspective and understand what she is doing. That’s when the phrase “analyzing and re-analyzing (and re-analyzing)” highlighted itself. That’s the best part of relationships, why would you pass that up? ha!
It is also the best part of break-ups. Yes!! There is a good side to break-ups: you are free to analyze that ‘son-of-a-bee-otches’ shortcomings, and if you are feeling mature, your own shortcomings. It sometimes takes a few days… weeks… months… to mature to that latter stage (usually the length of time directly reflects the significance of the relationship), but it’s the best part. Once you are done figuring out everything that was wrong with him, and in certain cases, diagnosing a possible mental disorder, you get to decide what the hell is wrong with you? After all, you dated him, did you not?
This is when we grow up, become better people, prepare ourselves for the next emotional overhaul, both because we had the courage to self-reflect and rip apart our faults and because we demanded ourselves to learn from them.
Dedicating a year of your life, and publicly documenting it, to getting to know yourself is pretty cool. I like this gal’s thought process. Thirty-something-year-olds may roll their eyes at her being 25, but no one but her can understand her experiences and where they have brought her. So much has changed for me since I was 25… in all aspects of life… and that has taught me not “I know so much more now,” but rather, “OMG, if the last 4 years taught me that much, what will the next 4 hold?” My brain hurts thinking about it.
High-five to living in the moment. A small part of me thought ‘maybe I should dedicate some time to focusing on me,’ then I remembered, ‘Wait! That’s all you do!’
Between spending time with my friends and family, exploring NYC restaurants and watering holes, snowboarding, yoga’ing and running to stay physically and mentally fit, working full-time+ and creating two blogs (plus this!), I’m not sure I have anymore time to dedicate to me. Apparently I’m too busy.
On a side note, read the articles Off Market Girl posted here. I happen to adore Tracy McMillan‘s book so I instinctually defend her, even if her post does kinda ask for criticism; Jessica Ravitz‘s rebuttal however screams anger, along with ranting every excuse in the book.